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Do I deserve to be happy again? Will God forgive me? Am I a horrible person? 6 mos ago

I've been an awful person. I've lied so much, I've tried to break up friends because of my jealousy, I've committed sins far worse than you could ever imagine. I feel like I'm the most horrible person alive, but I swear I am trying to change. I have spent so much time feeling guilty and thinking about what I've done, and realizing it is wrong. I've apologized to people I've wronged. But I still feel like the worst person to exist. Am I horrible? Please, please read the whole thing, I'm desperate for help.

3rd grade- I pretty much lied to everyone saying I had a dog. Nothing big, but it was still just second nature for me to lie about that.

4th grade - The same lies continued with that, but then I met a girl who loved horses. To get her to be my friend, I told her I had horses, and that I was a horse back rider just like her, I wanted friends, I was just pathetic.

5th grade - The girl who I was talking about found a new friend and I lied so much about her to get them to stop being friends. I made up things the other friend said (when she never really said them) just so they'd stop being friends. I impersonated her on a website called Animal Crossing Community once and I even pretended to say mean things because I didn't want to lose my friend. Things were competitive between us we were always fighting over who got to be friends with her, when later we realized we could both be friends.

6th grade - The same lies continued, I tried to break friends up. Every time I had a friend, I lied about their other friends so they'd stop being friends with them. I flat out made things up, I told my friend Amanda that her best friend Carly says she hates her, when she never said that, just so she'd stop being friends with her and be friends with me.

7th grade- I was going through some issues with depression and at home and stuff and I wrote a very exaggerated letter about being abused and I lied about the extremity to which I was being abused and nearly got my parents in so much trouble. I then put the blame on my other friend who was only trying to help me to avoid anyone getting in trouble.

8th grade - I just continued with petty white lies like, four a day just to make friends because I had low self esteem issues and just wanted someone to be my friend. I also lied to my friend and said things behind her back and then blamed it on a totally random person.

9th grade - I started to learn I am an awful person. I started hating myself, I started to believe I don't deserve happiness and I realized how wrong I was for everything I did. I had done so many terrible things in the past I couldn't believe it. I cried a lot out of all the guilt and I practically wanted to kill myself for being such a bad mean person.

10th grade - I continued my bad ways again, I lied to two perfectly good friends and I felt so bad. I apologized and later explained what happened, and then I stopped again. 11th grade - I lied to my friend about cutting myself. I was so depressed but I wasn't actually cutting myself- I just wanted someone to take me seriously because no one takes you seriously until you go that extreme. I made her so worried about me that she didnt even eat for days. I felt so awful.

12th grade - I about lost it. I cried so much about my guilt. I vowed to change, and I promised I'd stop being a jerk. And I am so proud to say that I never lied to break up a friendship ever after 10th grade and I'm still going strong. I basically started to realize I am the worst human being alive, I felt like an awful piece of trash. I cried so much because I felt like I don't deserve any happiness. I literally debated running away from everything because I felt so awful. I have apologized to all the people I have hurt and everyone has excepted my apologies. I'm a freshman in college now and I've been getting so much better. I do have the tendancy to tell white lies here and there but I have not done anything horrible or so mean or anything. I feel so guilty. I feel like God hates me. I'm trying to hard to change, I feel scared.

What I've been doing since freshman year, out of my guilt, is that I have stopped standing up for myself. If I see a friend is treating me badly, I apologize instead because I feel that I now have no right to stand up for myself. I have no right to be happy. I feel like I deserve to be sad and I deserve to feel this guilt. Do I have the right to stand up for myself again?

I've killed myself feeling so guilty these past few years. I've begged God for forgiveness but it feels like he hasn't forgiven me? Can I still go to Heaven? Will I go to hell?

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Do I deserve to be happy again? Will God forgive me?: Will God forgive me? Am I a horrible person? and then I stopped again. I have no right to be happy. I feel like I deserve to be sad and I deserve

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Yahoo! Canada Answers - I've lied far too much, I'm: Best Answer: You're not a "bad" person. You were a child during much of this. Of course, you are forgiven. You have to learn to forgive yourself. Forgiving

Do I deserve to ever be happy again one day? And if: Do I deserve to ever be happy again one I do to prove to God that I am truly deeply sorry for the sin that I have committed in my past? Will he forgive me

Should I still be feeling guilty about this? Can I: Can I be happy again? on Yahoo Answers like this asking if I'd go to hell or if God forgives me. am I the most horrible person you've met

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Expressions of Healing and Thanks -: When I couldn’t bare the pain anymore I screamed out to God to forgive me for what I did, I didn’t deserve to live a happy life. I am me again.

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